I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
