they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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