oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
someone owes me an orgasm
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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