Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
