That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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