I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
