No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
