dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
