ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
