why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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