shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
