Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
