he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just want nice things and good sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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