I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
