I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
