Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
