Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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