I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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