I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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