We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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