also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
