I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
