Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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