Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
