nutella sex= disaster
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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