You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So much rum. So many feels.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
