i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
