WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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