Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
