Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Less talking, more tequila
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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