i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
