i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
