this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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