Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hippo gnu deer
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
