So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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