she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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