That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
