i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize