our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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