he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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