I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
