you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
