he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
