yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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