U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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