Non-Jews are for practice
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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