I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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