Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
