Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just threw up on my dentist
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
