Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You can't motorboat a personality
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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