What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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