Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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