I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
