so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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