Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mom said you looked used
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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