Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
