Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
