just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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