I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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