Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
