When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
