I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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