Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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