Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
