I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
