i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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