i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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